So.... How do you deal with family members that refuse to accept the fact that you are a lesbian? I know that after 18 yrs of marriage to a man, it can be kinda hard to wrap your head around... but should I worry about loosing them or just worry about being happy with myself for the first time in my life?

If you're newly out...concentrate on yourself first. What a waste of your precious life if you spent it miserable and unhappy. When you're old, do you want to look back with heartache and regret, wondering "why"? You're old enough to have learned what you want/don't want out of your life and young enough to start anew.

I am 36 and have been publicly out for a year (with close friends about 10), so I'm technically newly out.

I began my "journey" a year ago by attending our local LGBT Community Center's Lesbian group. While browsing Barnes & Nobles, I happened upon a book called, Outing Yourself. I highly recommend it. It approaches the subject with outing yourself to: yourself, friends, coworkers, family...and it gives several real-people examples of how things went in different situtations (men/women/young/old). I credit that book with getting me started and partly responsible for where I am today.

thanks for the imput.. I will have to check the book out...

I agree with the previous poster. You have to be true to yourself, and yes enjoy your freedom! I was married for eleven years to a man. It can be very confusing for others to hear that you are attracted to women, and even more confusing to hear that you are not actually attracted to men (if that is the case). Let it be their confusion though, you have spent enough of your life coming to the conclusion of who you are; you're only responsibility is to be true to yourself. Those who love you for who you are will still be there. They will realize who you choose to be with does not change the person you have always been. Eventually the people who love you will realize that.

It's taken me 3-times trying to explain it to my mother for her to finally get it. No, she doesn't agree or like it. It cost my my family for a little while...well, at least my mother. Overall, she didn't want to lose a daughter. So unfortunately it's not full acceptance but the the love and bond of family is bigger than lifestyle choices.
But..it is my life not theirs. I have to do what is right for me. I have to make myself happy because they are not living my life. At the end of the day I have to be able to look myself in the eye and say that I'm happy with myself.

Hopefully, your family will eventually come around and they may never, but being gay is not a lifestyle choice, it is who you are. It is your life and you have to be honest with yourself and live it for you. Good luck.