The next several weeks were agony, as I tried to decide between the man I committed to spend the rest of my life with, and the woman whom had stolen my heart. John was adament that I no longer have a sexual relationship with Shelly, and ALL I WANTED was to continue that relationship. I finally decided that Shelly was who I wanted, so I packed some clothes and moved in with her.

Need I say I was in heaven... to be able to kiss her and touch her, go to bed with her and get up with her.. was like a dream. Although we had plenty of outside forces pulling at us, we were in heaven. I have never felt that kind of freedom.. to be able to just be myself and not have to worry about being judged. You see, Shelly loved me just for me... not for what I could give her, but for the person on the inside. I will always feel blessed to have experienced that depth of love. But, as always happens, soon the honeymoon was over. Due to miscommunication, it wasn't long before I returned to the husband I left behind.

When I look back, and replay the scene in my head, I can take responsability for letting things get so out of control... I was too quick to think the worst. Shelly was acting kind of strange, which made me a little nervous and suspicious, so when she sat down next to me on the couch, and I heard something make noise in her pocket, I couldn't let it go.  When I asked her what she had in her pocket, and she got defensive, I knew something was really wrong. I finally got the packet out of her pocket, and got the shock of my life. In my hand I held a rock of crack cocaine.

Now you have to understand, I had never in my life knowingly been around drugs of any kind. Have never done drugs, have never wanted to do drugs, and have never dated anyone who did drugs. Shelly denied that the rock was hers, pleading with me to believe her. She stated over and over again that it was her sisters, and that she had taken it away from her. I was so freaked out that I couldn't believe her, so I packed my clothes, called my husband to come get me, and walked out the door. With the intention to never, ever return.

Stay tuned... the end is near :-)